


i still taste you on my lips (lovely, bitter water)

by madasthesea



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s01 Dislocœur | Dark Cupid, F/M, Role Reversal, self-doubting Adrien
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 15:16:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6962203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madasthesea/pseuds/madasthesea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Focused on his confession to Ladybug, Chat Noir doesn't notice Dark Cupid's arrow until it hits her. Suddenly, Adrien has to fight an akuma and the love of his life at the same time. And, like most fairy tales, he has to save her with a kiss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i still taste you on my lips (lovely, bitter water)

**Author's Note:**

> I've been mulling this idea over for a while, but I saw this awesome comic (http://melbert.tumblr.com/post/143454941766/dark-cupid) by melbert on Tumblr, and it encouraged me to write this. Also, I highly recommend listening to "Broken Boy" by Flannel Graph as/after reading, for even more emotional trauma. Title from "Bitter Water" by The Oh Hello's. Alright, I think that's everything. Enjoy!

Chat Noir found Ladybug dangling upside down from a rain-gutter, her yo-yo keeping her safe from the long fall. He wedged his staff against the side of the same building and couldn’t pass up the opportunity to pose, twirling his leather tail as he called to her.

“Falling for me already, My Lady?”

Ladybug gasped, noticing him for the first time. He held out his hand, helping her down from her awkward position.

“I need to talk to you,” Chat said, glad his voice didn’t shake as he pulled her to him. Ladybug tried to say something, but he was so focused on saying what he needed to quickly, he cut her off, pressing a finger lightly against her lips. Her blue eyes were wide with surprise. “I swore to myself I’d tell you as soon as I saw you.”

The nerves that had been present since he’d seen her suddenly increased ten-fold. Now was the moment that would change everything. He took a deep breath, drawing her just a little closer into his embrace, hoping the heat of her would comfort him.

“Ladybug, I-I,” he stuttered, feeling his cheeks burn. His gaze was focused solely on her. “I love you.”

He didn’t notice the arrow flying their way until its momentum pushed Ladybug against his chest. His arms wrapped around her instinctively, trying to shield her from a blow that had already landed.

“Ladybug, are you alright?” Chat asked, fear for her safety overtaking all of the fluttering nerves from before. The superheroine stiffened in his arms and he immediately pulled away, afraid the embrace combined with what he’d just said would make her uncomfortable.

Chat Noir had not expected the sneer decorating Ladybug’s black lips. “Love me?” she asked, her tone mocking and cold. “As if I could ever love you back. You’re pathetic.” Then she pushed Chat, unresponsive in his surprise, off of his staff and vaulted away.

Luckily, Chat’s reflexes kicked in faster than his brain, and he was left hanging by one hand from his staff, still processing Ladybug’s words, his mind’s eye replaying her black lips forming them over and over. Then he shook himself. Black lips. Dark Cupid’s arrow. She was under control of the akuma.

Growling about the akuma, about his own failure as a partner, and about Valentine’s Day in general, he lifted himself back onto his staff, then clambered to the roof. He had to find Dark Cupid and break whatever spell he had placed on Ladybug. But without her there to purify the akuma, he had no idea how to do it. Sighing, he set off in the direction he’s last seen Dark Cupid go.

It was pure chance that led him to Chloe, but as soon as he realized that she was who the akuma victim was after, it was easy to figure out that the poor soul who’d been akumatized was Kim. He’d gotten the text too, after all. Though it was rather disturbing to see his own face framed in gold, he did the best he could to protect Chloe and Sabrina, finally convincing them to run.

That was when Ladybug found him again. Chat’s steps faltered as she landed gracefully in front of him. She began playing with her yo-yo lazily. He’d seen her do that dozens of times before, taunting the villains before she would strike. He took a few steps back.

“We meet again, _chaton_ ,” she observed mildly. She almost would have sounded like herself, if her lip hadn’t curled in disgust on his nickname. And there was something off, something that Chat Noir couldn’t name, but that made his heart clench in his chest.

“Please, My Lady,” he said, wishing his voice didn’t sound so much like he’d been punched in the stomach. “I don’t want to fight you.”

“ _Please, My Lady_ ,” she echoed, mocking. She walked casually forward, swinging her hips and twirling her yo-yo. Chat ceded the space, falling back with every step she took. “Aren’t you embarrassed to call yourself a hero, Chat Noir? I don’t know why I ever put up with you to begin with.” Chat’s breath caught as if he’d been dealt a physical blow. Without giving him a moment to recover, Ladybug leapt at him.

Her attack was more aggressive than usual, her defensive style turning to offensive hand-to-hand fighting. Chat dodged her first attack as best he could, and then he fled, almost praying that she wouldn’t chase him. He couldn’t fight back, he couldn’t handle it. He needed to break the spell.

He could hear Ladybug’s yo-yo zinging behind him as he led her across the rooftops. After a few moments, she caught up with him, flinging her yo-yo at his staff, intending to rip it from his hands. But he held on tight, expecting the move. And, to keep her from just retracting the yo-yo, he reached forward and grabbed the string with one hand. She either had to stay still, or allow him to rip the weapon from her hands. She stayed still.

“Why are you doing this, Ladybug?” he asked. His voice didn’t break, but if she had been herself, she would have heard the pain in it.

“Because hate conquers all.” Her blue eyes were blazing with anger. Her shoulders were set forward, like she wanted to charge him, to forget her yo-yo and beat him with her fists. She looked so unlike herself, but it was still her. No matter what she said or did, Chat Noir couldn’t forget that it was still the girl he loved.

“No, it doesn’t. Love does!”  Suddenly, Adrien remembered what he’d said just a few hours earlier, as he’d struggled to write the poem. To her. To Ladybug. _‘The prince breaks the spell by kissing the princess because true love always wins.’_  

Chat’s heart twisted. He knew how to break the spell. He finally knew how to save her, and all he had to do was… kiss her. To do what he’s dreamt about since he met her. But she… wasn’t her. Not really. She was under a spell, and the knowledge turned his stomach.

In his reverie, he’d loosened his grip and she’d pulled back her yo-yo, a fierce expression on her face. Chat Noir grit his teeth and squared his shoulders. He’d just have to deal with it. Coaxing up a charming grin, he started swaggering forward.

“Not a big fan of this fighting thing. How about a kiss, instead, My Lady?” He asked, proud of the nonchalant tone of his voice.

Ladybug’s face turned to one of disgust. When he kept approaching, she took a step back. “Get away from me, Chat Noir!” she cried, then leapt away.

“Come on, Bugaboo, just one kiss!” He shouted after her, following. Breaking his staff into two, he threw both halves like boomerangs, still running. One knocked her yo-yo out of her hand and it fell to the street below. The other hit her in the back, breaking her stride (and making Chat flinch in sympathetic pain and guilt). When she stumbled, her foot caught on a tile and she sprawled forward. Chat was there to catch her, grabbing one of her wrists, and pulling her to face him, supporting most of her weight.

“Pucker up, little lady,” he muttered weakly, then he lunged forward to kiss her. She moved her head. He tried again and she jerked the other way. He sighed. “You’re making this really difficult.”

Adjusting them so he could free his other hand, he reached up and held onto her chin, careful about his claws. He would have said another clever quip, but his voice seemed to have abandoned him. There was a bitter taste in his mouth. So instead he just leaned forward again, closing his eyes.

An arrow whisked between them. Chat pulled back with a gasp as he felt it whoosh past. Ladybug took advantage of his surprise and threw off his hold. Dark Cupid, flying overhead, grinned at him maliciously. Then he flew down to join Ladybug, where she’d landed beside a fountain to recover her yo-yo. Chat jumped down to the pavement as well. They stood, facing each other for a moment.

For the first time, Chat was able to get a good look at Dark Cupid. His eyes landed on the, frankly rather ugly, jeweled pin on his quiver strap. That had to be where the akuma was. All he had to do was break the spell on Ladybug while avoiding Dark Cupid’s arrows, and then help her get the pin. He needed a plan. He didn’t have time to form a plan.

Ladybug was spinning her yo-yo into a red blur beside her while Dark Cupid knocked an arrow and took aim. Chat didn’t think. He just darted forward on all fours like a cat. Kim’s first arrow missed him as he zigzagged toward them. Ladybug shot her yo-yo forward and Chat leapt, springing into a front hand spring and avoiding the weapon. He heard her growl in frustration. Chat continued onward, batting Dark Cupid’s next arrow out of the air with his staff, which he then used to vault over Kim’s head. Seizing the bow on the way, he used his momentum to strengthen his throw as he pitched it as far as he could, shouting “Go fetch!”

Dark Cupid roared in anger and darted off after it. Chat never stopped moving, all too aware of Ladybug still trying to capture him in her yo-yo string. He spun and ducked just in time to avoid being caught. He leapt onto the statue, his mind split between avoiding her and figuring out how to get close enough to kiss her. Ladybug followed him up, close on his tail. Chat jumped away from the fountain and was surprised when he felt something solid hit him in the back, knocking him to ground. After rolling for a second, Chat landed on his back, Ladybug triumphantly pinning him to the ground.

He thought she was going to say something witty—for all her complaining about his puns, she was almost as bad—but instead she just looked down at him with fiery contempt. He’d never admitted it to himself, but he’d been afraid of that look on her face since the day they met. He’d dreamt of that exact expression dozens of times. Sometimes she’d found out his true identity, sometimes he pushed too hard and she decided she was sick of him. But, though he’d never seen that expression on her face before, he’d known exactly what it would look like. It was like a nightmare come to life. Chat Noir was surprised at the sob that caught in his throat. His eyes watered.

She reached for his hand, trying to take his Miraculous. He curled his fingers into a fist.

“I hate cats,” she hissed, scoffing at his pathetic attempt. She lifted his hand closer to her. Twisting his wrist in her grip, he broke free of her hold and, lifting his other hand, cupped her face between them.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. Then he pulled her down and kissed her. Ladybug went stiff above him and he tightened his grip, fighting his instinct to let her pull away.

Ladybug’s lips were warm against his. Her knees tightened against his ribcage. He could feel her pulse beneath his fingers. And it felt… _wrong_. So, so twisted and  perverted and _sick_. This was Ladybug and he _loved_ her and she _didn’t want this_. And he didn’t want it, either, not like this. And he knew, he absolutely knew, that Ladybug would understand, she would forgive him, she would have done the exact same thing if the situation were reversed, but that was different. It didn’t matter how certain he was that later the real Ladybug would laugh this off, _this_ Ladybug, no matter how brainwashed, was fighting against his hold. Numbly, Chat registered a tear slip from the corner of his eye and slide off his mask. He felt sick.

After a few, brief heartbeats that felt like eternities, Ladybug relaxed. He wondered if it was the spell breaking. Then his mind sort of sputtered out, because Ladybug hadn’t jerked back in disgust, despite his loosened hold on her. Instead, her weight shifted forward and her lips pressed more firmly against his. It lasted only a second, but it was enough to make Chat’s heavy heart speed up. His hands fell away from her face completely. She pulled away, and he opened his eyes hesitantly.

She was closer than he thought she would be, just a few inches from his face. Her breath still fanned across his skin. She was propping herself up on her elbows, her dark hair falling in his face.

“Chat Noir?” she asked and he honestly could have cried at the absence of hatred in her voice. She didn’t give him time to answer, climbing up from her perch on top of him and then helping him up. “When did I get here?”

He was going to answer, but he heard Dark Cupid’s wings beating as the akuma victim flew closer.

“No time to explain,” he said, directing her attention to the approaching threat. She nodded, her face growing serious.

“The akuma’s in the pin,” they said in unison. Ladybug flashed him a grin. His returning smile was more of a grimace. With Ladybug’s brilliance and her Lucky Charm, the battle finished quickly. Chat bumped fists with her, still trying to force away the lingering pain and guilt from before.

“How much do you remember?” he asked quietly, before she could turn and run.

“Uhh…” she wrinkled her nose, thinking. “You showed up… you said you wanted to tell me something? I don’t remember what it was, sorry.”

“No,” Chat said quickly. He shouldn’t have been relieved. He’d been working up to telling her that for months. But her voice floated back to him, _“As if I could ever love you back_.” The hatred in her expression. His courage, his confidence were gone. He couldn’t repeat it. Not right now. “It wasn’t important.”

Ladybug seemed like she wasn’t going to let him drop it like that, but then her earrings beeped, his ring immediately after. She nodded, then smiled at him, so brightly it almost hurt to look at. “You were great today, _chaton_. Thank you.” Then, with a flick of her wrist, she was gone.

 

Adrien tried not to dwell on what had happened. She had been under a spell, she hadn’t meant any of it. But she’d said exactly what he’d always thought of himself. He was weak. He was a burden to their partnership. He was unlovable. And the way she’d looked at him, her blue eyes burning with fury. It sent shivers up his spine.

He wondered if that was her first kiss. The idea that he’d stolen that from her made him feel even worse.

Even Plagg could tell he was upset. He’d slept curled on Adrien’s chest the night of the attack, rather than on his own pillow like he usually did. And he’d only asked for camembert twice the next day, an all-time low. But even with his Kwami’s support, Adrien was still dreading the scheduled patrol the next night.

 

Ladybug was there before he was, and Adrien was glad she didn’t have heightened perception like he did, because he froze when first caught sight of her. He watched her for a moment, her big eyes reflecting the lights of Paris, chewing on her lip as she lost herself in thought. His heart panged sadly in his chest. He sighed, then forced a Chat-like grin on his face.

“Good evening, My Lady,” he purred, sauntering over to her side.

“Hello, _mon minou_ ,” she said demurely. He sat next to her, his knees pulled up in front of him, his hands dangling between them. She was watching him, and he steeled himself to meet her gaze. There was no hatred there, just curiosity and something softer. He looked away before she did.

“Tikki, my kwami, told me everything that happened.” Chat stiffened, his heart seizing in his chest. Despite his self-assurances, he was suddenly sure she was going to yell at him about the kiss, call out his betrayal and lay it bare for all of Paris to see. He was certain he’d see that same look of loathing. He bowed his head in preparation. “I’m so sorry, Chat Noir.”

Chat’s head jerked up in surprise. Her eyes were earnest and imploring. “I wish you hadn’t had to go through that.”

Adrien’s jaw dropped, and he spent a moment gaping like a fish before he managed a small, “It wasn’t your fault.”

“I know,” she agreed, smiling softly at him. “It wasn’t yours either, you know. It was Hawkmoth’s fault, no one else’s.” He nodded slowly, looking away from her. It felt like his guilt was a living thing, crawling up his throat to suffocate him.

“Ladybug,” he whispered. “I-I’m sorry about the-the kiss.” When she didn’t immediately answer, the words kept pouring out. “I didn’t know how else to get you back and I _needed_ you back because I couldn’t do it by myself, not just because I can’t purify the akuma, but because you are the real hero in this partnership and I’m sorry I didn’t see the arrow coming. I would have taken it in a second if I had, and I just feel so _guilty_ because I _know_ you didn’t want to kiss me and I never would have, in any other circumstance—“ his words were cut off as she placed a hand over his mouth. She was smiling that same gentle smile, but her eyes were wide and sincere.

“Chat, you have nothing to be sorry about. You saved me.” He tried to look away and she turned his head back with a firm hand on his cheek. “And I don’t want to hear anymore nonsense about not being a real hero. I… I know what I said to you. And I know it doesn’t fix it, but I hope you know I didn’t mean a word of it.” She stopped, like she was trying to gather her thoughts. “Dark Cupid’s power was turning love to hate. In some way, that’s the same as turning the truth to lies. If it makes you feel better…” she trailed off again, but this time she was gathering her courage. “I wouldn’t have been so awful to you under the spell if I didn’t care so much about you.”

Adrien stared, blood pounding in his ears. He hadn’t even considered that. His heart suddenly felt lighter, the guilt and hurt ebbing away in the warm tide of her eyes. An honest smile curled the corner of his mouth. “That does make me feel better. Thank you, My Lady.”

She smiled back, blinding in the dark night. She reached over and took his hand, squeezing it briefly. Then she pressed a kiss to his cheek. Without giving him any time to recover from the mild heart attack he’d just suffered at the feel of her lips on his skin, she stood and tugged him up with her.

“Come on, kitty, we should probably actually patrol Paris tonight. Race you to the Eiffel tower,” she called, already sprinting to the edge of the roof. He watched her drop, her yo-yo in her hand. Her excited whooping broke him out of his stupor and he grinned, pouncing after her.


End file.
